My Eclectic Life
‘Tis not the companionship nor the pleasure
Although both abound in equal measure
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My heart and soul laid bare
with no other did I dare
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Your eyes doth see true
all that is laid before you
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and still your love you doth give free
and this my love is what binds me to thee.
I am having a blues dancing party at my house tomorrow and one party goer will be staying the night. I will be serving food and be a dj. I also have a big food presentation on Saturday with some important local food people, for which I have had only had a couple of weeks to prepare. Oh and I am not a chef just a home cook with a little restaurant experience as a young adult. This of course is on top of all my normal life duties.
Yet, as I write this I am calm and steady. I don’t know if I am in denial or if I realize the futility of panic. Maybe it is my track record for rising to whatever challenge I am presented that is keeping me calm. I don’t know the reason. What I do know is that my younger self would be panicking and I am finding it slightly disconcerting that I am not.
It not that I am not getting things done. I am as fast as my body will allow, which is not at the speed it was before I broke my ankle and had a plate and 9 screws put in a few months ago. Yet, it gets better every day and I carry on. I go until my ankle or energy level says, “I am done”. I use my down time to percolate ideas. I am not procrastinating but moving forward slow and steady.
So here I sit several things on my to do list still, pruning as I go along to ensure the most important things get done. Then I pour myself a cup of coffee turn on the music and start cooking and cleaning. Yup that’s me there taking life as it comes and dancing along to some gritty blues music as the scent of bacon lingers in the air. I am patiently waiting for the panic to set in but for now I am enjoying the serenity while it lasts! Here’s to hoping you all find moments of serenity in times of chaos and chose to embrace and savor them no matter what lies around the bend.
I didn’t know much about police officers growing up. I lived in a small town with a sheriff’s department which we good-naturedly called Barney Fife. After having been married to my husband, an almost 10 year veteran of the police force, and having represented abused and neglected children I know more. I know police have received a great deal of bad press lately. Some of it justified and some not. When it occurs I often see all police officers lumped together. Like any profession there are “bad apples” and people who make poor choices.
Open, honest, and rational discussions about these incidents is important. As is seeking change by the numerous legal methods provided for in the founding of our government, including peaceful protests. We must remember there are human beings on both sides of the issues and there are other humans affected by the conflict. We must remember that there are many good officers who put their lives on the line every day to help us. They don’t like the “bad apples” either and don’t want the poor choice makers on their teams.
My Night Watchman
2:22am you soundly sleep
I sleep alone
For he is watching over you
Over us all
If you call for help he will come running
Even if it means he won’t come home to me
Dressed in blue like those before him
But different
Educated
A thinker not a thumper
Kind but not soft
His most important weapons
His intelligence and heart
It is what I count on to bring him home
It is why I sleep soundly most nights too.
We have some small refrigerator magnets that are words. Sometime back my husband used them to create the following haikus. I recently rediscovered them and decide to share them here, with my husband’s permission. I enjoy them all for different reasons.
Cook a pound of meat
do it like the wind woman
and I may love you
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Beneath the black storm
here I felt a winter rain
and dreamed of blue sky
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Boil no egg for me
it is like feet on my tongue
always repulsive
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Be not mad at me
I stare at her luscious breasts
yet love only you
Cheesy Egg my current breakfast of choice and favorite of my feline companions. Especially, Archimedes who never fails to be ready to lick the plate clean when I am done.
1 egg, beaten
1 slice of 2% American cheese
Butter or butter spray
Turn the stove to medium high heat and spray the pan or add about a tbsp. of butter to the pan. Add the beaten egg to the pan and top it immediately with the cheese slice. Stir egg and cheese together as they cook. Remove the cheesy egg from pan and eat. Place plate on floor for furry companions to lick clean. Then wash that plate because they really don’t get it clean :).
I thought I know about equality and generally worked to promote it. You know by not allowing gender to define my roles. I mean I asked guys to dance and out on dates but there were areas where I was still social programmed to engage in unequal behavior. Until I met him I was unaware this was occurring.
“May I kiss you?” He requested with unassuming tenderness; his soft blue eyes filled with hopefully longing. I was surprised by the request for permission but relieved at the same time. A single mother who was in uncomfortable territory I was glad to be setting the pace. This would the first of many requests for permission and communication during sexual exploration between myself and the man who would become my husband. Little did I know this intelligent sexy gentle man before me would teach me so much about equality? I didn’t realize that he had just taught me about consent.
We have now been together for over seven years and married almost six. Our roles in our partnership are not defined by our gender. Each of us often have characteristics and perform duties typically assigned to the opposite gender. We embrace that we our both sexual beings in a partnership whose roles with in that partnership should be determined by time, skill, and other logical factors. We strive to see each other as two humans who have agreed to a mutual beneficial relationship which is ever evolving and growing as we do.
The dark road
The deep water
All the places people are afraid to tread.
I stand before one again.
I see them watching me.
She is fearless they say.
Oh if they could only see my fear;
As big as or maybe even bigger than theirs.
I stand on shaky legs with a sweaty brow
Even though I see her there,
The strategist.
Standing steadfast manual in arms.
She has thought of everything that can be thought of
She is even prepared for that which could not yet be imagined.
Still, I hesitate on the edge.
That is until she comes skipping in
All smiles and energy.
You see she believes she can do anything
Because her mother told her she could.
“Come on take my hand, we can do it together”. The little girl says.
So I take her hand and the hand of the strategist
And the three of us move forward into the dark deep scary place.
The little girl’s grin spreading to all our faces.
I ate a late lunch at Shish Kabobs today. My friend was singing its praises to me the other day and when I couldn’t find the African market to create my own international meal. I decided to try it out.
It is a small Mediterranean restaurant in a shopping center and it looked like my kind of place. When I walking in it felt comfortable and it had a welcoming atmosphere. It was clean and had the feel of a family owned restaurant. You know like the people who work there care about the place. I believe that comes through in the food. I was greeted by a friendly server who gladly gave me time to review the menu. There were so many items I wanted to try including the lamb shanks and most of the appetizers. I decided on the appetizer sampler plate with the intent of taking some home. The appetizer had hummus, tabbouleh, falafel, a cabbage roll, and dolmas. I also ordered a single sirloin kabob to try as I felt the lamb shank would be way too much food. The grape leaves on the dolmas melted in my mouth which was a first for me. The other times I had tried dolmas the leaves were not tender. I was impressed with the cabbage roll as well, as the cabbage leaves were also tender. I took the obligatory bite of the tabbouleh expecting my reaction to be the same as always. Not for me. Yet, this time I took several bits and I was thinking this is a tabbouleh I could eat. All in all there was not a bad dish in the bunch.
My friend had raved about the rose cake so even though I was taking home leftovers I saved room in order to try it. I ordered a hot Persian tea and a piece of rose cake. A simple looking cake unadorned with frosting or glaze and no filling laid on the plate before me. Even with my friends accolades about its deliciousness I was unsure it would be good. I don’t eat many desserts and if I am going to indulge I wanted the calories to be worth it. I timidly tasted my first bite. A sigh of pleasure filled me. The crust was ever so slightly crisp and it reminded me of a delicious pound cake I once made in a cast iron skillet. The inside was moist and it was sweet but not the overwhelming sweetness found in many desserts. Then you taste the exotic hidden in the ordinary, the flavor of rose. I savored each bite with sips of the warm unsweetened Persian tea. When it was gone I was tempted to order another slice to go, but I didn’t. I knew that I would be back for more of the cake and I also wanted to try the lamb shank. Yeah, I like the cake so much I wrote a poem about it. Check it out below.
Rose cake
No frosting or glaze adorns you
No filling to bring you depth
A seeming simple boring piece of cake.
A timid taste
A sigh of pleasure reveals the truth.
A hint of crispness on the edge of moist deliciousness
A rose infused sweetness that lingers
In my mouth and my daydreams
No not boring or simple
I am reviewing a game today and thought I should give you a little background about my experience in this area. A little Atari, the occasionally Pac man at a restaurant, and Oregon Trail in high school computers was the extent of my childhood gaming. As an adult I didn’t play much; not from lack of desire but lack of time and experience. It wasn’t until I married my husband, an avid gamer, that I really began to play video games. I found I really enjoy playing them.
Recently, I have been playing Sunless Sea which I purchased via Steam. Its purposely slow paced game play along with the propensity for your character to die can be mildly frustrating.Yet I am continually drawn to it. The goal based system combined with the strategic aspects are endearing despite the fact that it lacks the first person immersion I typically enjoy. This game receives a Butterscotch. See Rating Scale below.
Rating Scale (based on my cats)
5. Archimedes (mischief master) I will play with it until I have exhausted the game and myself. Then I will rest and repeat.
4. Butterscotch (evil genius) It intrigues me. I will match it wit for wit to the end and I will be victorious.
3. Vesta (street cat) for a brief moment I was transported back to the streets the huntress chasing her prey. (It brought a few moments of enjoyable game play.)
2. Tic Tac (big baby) It was something to do not something good, but something to do.
1. Yum Yum (diva) It’s not worthy of diva cat’s time or yours.
I look around in despair. So much to do; so many decisions to make. Do any of these actions get me closer to where I am supposed to be or am I like the hamster futilely running on the treadmill of life?
I need something to fill up the emptiness inside.
Something stronger than the pain in my bones and heart.
Something so compelling that it overcomes my depleted energy stores.
I have known it before. This thing that I seek. Yet in this place I find myself it seems outside my grasp.
This place too I have been to before though it is not quite the same as before; nor am I for that matter. Yet I know only one path out of this place. That never changes.
I must do just one thing. The one thing I know I can do no matter how small. Then when it is done I must do just one more thing. Activity creates momentum.
Before I know it this place will be but a memory of a lonely place I once visited and I will be too consumed with the thing I now seek to give it much thought.