My mother’s cousin, Sis was a remarkable person. She was born with a rare skin disease and was unable to do the things children normally do. She was never able to go to school or hold down a job. Her disease took her life when she was still very young. Sis was only 30 when we lost her, but I will never forget the perseverance and patience that she always demonstrated. She was always positive and happy. In fact when it came to the point when she could no longer eat and a feeding tube had to be put in she didn’t even let that get her down. In fact she did the opposite and rose above it. She named the feed tubing George and carried on. She even made jokes about having to feed George. Sis taught me that a person should make the best of things life gives them and accept the things that they can’t change. I try to apply this daily.
Granny
My grandmother, or granny, is one of the strongest, most compassionate, and generous people I know. She came from a poor family and had to work in the fields picking cotton as a child. She often missed school because she had to stay home and take care of her younger siblings when her mother could not. She raised five children, helped raise eleven grandchildren, and fourteen great-grandchildren. She has cared for the children of friends and relatives during times when their families could not. Granny has spent countless nights at hospital bed sides providing comfort and prayers. Granny has looked after the elder and ill and helped others in any way she could. However, if you mention all she has done over the years she would just shrug and say she just did what needed to be done at the time. For my grandmother, helping others is just a part of life; it’s just the right thing to do. She provided a great role model, but she also included us in her acts of compassion. As a child, many times I followed Granny to the hospital bed sides or accompanied her as she carried food to elderly neighbors. For my grandmother helping has always been a way of life, so now it is for me as well.
Papa
My grandfather is one of the first people I would like to introduce to you. I call him Papa. Papa was my first employer. At the ripe old age of 8, I decided I need a new pair of shoes. I approached my Papa and made a deal with him. Papa mowed lawns in addition to working full time at his day job. I asked him if I could help mow lawns in exchange for a new pair of shoes. My Papa still tells the story of how hard that little eight year old worked to earn that pair of shoes. The truth is he made working enjoyable. He took a lot of pride in everything he did. He taught me that when you do a job you’re putting your name on it and that means something. He always stressed that it’s important to do a job well. Over the years, I worked for my Papa off and on and learned many valuable lessons, but I never forgot those first lessons that were far more valuable than a new pair of shoes.
Who am I?
Who am I? I am a collection of ideas, feelings, and experiences. I am a unique personality. I was bestowed at birth with a wealth of heredity. As I grew I was molded by the ideas and deeds of those whose lives intersected mine.
This may seem like a very abstract view of myself, however, I believe it captures the essence of who I am. I was born with a personality and certain characteristics that make up the core of who I am. At birth I begin a journey. I have been blessed to have the opportunity to cross paths with some truly special people. I have become a better person because of it. I would like to introduce you to a few of the individuals who are such a large part of who I have become.
Blues my Dancing Muse
I love blues dancing. I am drawn to the music; it speaks to me and makes me want to move. On the dance floor with blues music playing I find that I can completely lose myself and at the same time find myself inside of the dance. It is unlike traditional ballroom dancing in that it is a conversation between dancers. Traditional ballroom dancing has a lead which is traditionally a male who decides what movement is to be performed based on the allowed movements and what he hears in the music. In blues dancing the lead and the follow roles are fluid, moving from one dancer to the other. There are times when both dancers are expressing themselves through movement based on what they hear in the music. At these times their movements can be completely different. There is less rigidity. There are more options for expression while still remaining true to the style of dancing. I have a video of my instructor and I blues dancing to give you a small sample of my muse.
Salsa on the Sick Ward
I made the four hour Trek back to my home town this weekend to visit my Granny in the hospital. Several family members were there visiting as well. We were all sitting in my Granny’s room catching up on each other’s lives and reminiscing about times past. My granny joined in from time to time although nothing held her attend for long.
A nurse came in at some point to restart her IV. Unfortunately, my Granny has small, fragile, rolling veins and the first nurse was unable to start the IV. Another nurse came in and tried. She was unsuccessful as well. They then sent for the EMT’s to see if they could get it. As you can expect by this point my Granny was not enjoying the process.
My mother asked me to talk to her to try and distract her. For the life of me I could not think of anything engaging to say. Not one to give up easily I start searching my brain for something in my skill set I could use to distract her. I came up with dancing. The space was limited which eliminated several options. I decided on salsa which is upbeat and can be done in a limited space.
So I begin dancing, focusing on the music in my head and not the EMT’s and family members in the room. I looked over at Granny to see if the distraction was working and she was transfixed by my dancing. I was telling myself it was because I was rocking it out.
Whatever the reason my mission was accomplished. The EMT was able to start her IV and we were all able to get back to enjoying each other’s company. As I drove home I was thinking of my love of dancing and all the lovely memories that are associated with it. Now I have one more.
Companions
There are two ever present companions on my journey through life. Guilty and anxiety. They have been with me for as long as I can remember. I know there are many reasons these companions manifested themselves and have become my every loyal companions. My personally, birth order, family of origin, religious up bring, and many more. I could theorize all day about their origin. Although this may illuminate how the bonds were forged it is not in itself instructive on how to dissolve the bonds. Guilty a toll used to achieve compliance without force. An obstacle in my well being and my ability to find pleasure in my blessings in life. Long toted by my mind as a safety net against pride. Yet, can’t one have humility as a safety net instead of guilty. Guilty also clouds my judgment where others are concerned. Where the clarity of empathy, understanding and compassion would ensure healthier relationships, better parenting, and more productive community interactions. These emotions are much more conducive to well being. So to my life long companions I must bid ado. I am sure I will see you around but you will no longer be welcome traveling companions.
Color Me Happy
I loved coloring in coloring books as a child. Becoming an adult didn’t change my love of them. My coloring books have changed a little but they still make me happy. They bring about a peaceful state and allow me to connect to happy memories. I think these are all things that make me a better adult. It also allows me to connect to children I work with and it is a positive that counteracts some of the negative that comes with my adult responsibilities.
Take a Minute
I dropped my husband at his early morning dental appointment. Which I had to drag myself out of bed to take him too. My waking hours had been more in line with those of my night watch husbands of late. As I drove home, I realized my hope of going back to bed and the reason I forewent coffee wasn’t going to happen. I pulled into the drive through line at Starbucks and grabbed some caffeinated deliciousness. My first thought upon arriving home was to set on the patio by the fountain and relax for a few minutes and drink my coffee. Then I looked around at all I needed to do. There were my household management tasks dishes, laundry, and my daily checklist. There was the trial I needed to prepare in case it went on Monday. My first dance competition was looming on the horizon next week and I needed all the practice I could get. The blog posts I needed to edit. The myriad of other tasks stemming from my other duties. So I did what I have learned to do in these situation. I went to the patio and drank my coffee and relaxed. The reason I can do all the things I do is that I take time to relax and enjoy life. When life starts to feel like a chore I know it is time to step back and relax a little. To spend a little more time doing the things that bring me pleasure.
Persistent Path
I continue down the path before me. Though the reasons I began and continue to move down it have changed. At times the reasons have become completely lost and a fog envelopes the path. At these times my feet falter and I look around at the other paths laid out beside mine. They are clear open paths inviting me to transverse them. Promising security and familiarity. Yet, I know the misery of walking those paths. Walking those I was chained to a single truth of self while other equal truths were oppressed. Believing in myself and the feeling that I am on the right path I continue forward. Hoping that the fog will lift and I will see my path as clearly as the others.