As a young woman growing up in the 80’s and 90’s I heard that in a marriage each spouse should put in 50% of the effort needed to make a marriage work and a house run. This sounded good to me at the time. Then one day a friend’s mother told me something that changed my thinking. She said it is not always 50/50 there are going to be times when one of the spouses is going to putting in more effort and you’re going to have a 60/40 or even 80/20 split from time to time. I have always remembered those words and have seen the truth of them in my own marriage. I use the term being carried to denote when the other spouse is putting in more work and effort.
The one time I remember being carried most distinctly is when I had my kidney donation surgery in 2008. It was right before my daughter started 6th grade. My husband had to take a pre-teen shopping and get her to her first few days of school. Since he did not have children before we got together this was a new experience for him. He did this on top of caring for me.
I try to think of that when I am the one doing the carrying because it is easy when you’re the one carrying the other to forget when they carried you and the same holds true for the one being carried. You tend to forget carrying the other one. Remember it isn’t going always be 50/50 and not trying to hold onto the impractical ideal makes for a happier marriage.
Life and Love
The road seems never-ending
Obstacles abound
When I am weary you carry me
When you are weary I carry you
Ever forward we go
Until the road ends
This is our life’s journey
This is our love story