That must be nice

That must be nice. Wish I could do that. Aren’t you lucky. These are phrases I dislike. These are phrases I have heard periodically throughout my life. However, at this point in my life I hear them regularly.

I generally live a happy contented life. Unfortunately, talking about my day to day life often elicits these phrases.  It makes me not want to share my life with others.  Some people say it without even thinking about what they’re saying. They say it without understanding that it is designed to diminish the happiness or contentment of the person speaking about their life. It is a defensive mechanism stemming from a desire to have what that person has, commonly known as jealousy.

I understand jealousy. I have periodically experienced it throughout my life especially when life seems darkest or most mundane. I have worked on a skill that generally allows me to effectively deal with this jealousy. I try to look at the person who has what I desire and determine how I can achieve the same. What I discovered over the years when analyzing what I would need to do to achieve what they had is that most had worked hard to achieve their goals. They had made sacrifices and difficult choices to do that instead of other things. Sometimes I realized I didn’t really want to make those sacrifices and that I had certain other things that were of more value to me than achieving what they had. Even if it was something they were just born with often there were difficulties in their lives off setting that blessing. Sometimes there was the realization that there were simple things I hold dear that they missed because they had this other blessing.

I know squelching the green-eyed monster and analyzing the situation is easier said than done.  I still think it is a valuable skill to work on. It helps you to understand the person, find goals that are important to you, clearly define the steps to achieve those goals, and to value what you have.

It can also stop you from using those above mentioned dreaded phrases.   Instead try to find something to say that doesn’t diminish their happiness.  Try expressing happiness for them even if you are struggling to feel it at the moment. Try one of the phrase below instead.

That is cool

That’s great

I am happy for you

I am happy that you’re happy.

I am glad you enjoy that.

I am glad you get to do that.